Jealousy
by Disalae
Summary: Xu has never been one to be jealous.


jealousy

Xu was not a jealous person.

It was something she prided herself in. When, in her first years, her roommate consistently did better on her tests than she did, she wasn't jealous. In fact, she was very proud of her roommate, and encouraged her to always do her best. She even helped her study. Xu just wasn't very good at taking tests, is all. She knew she was smart.

As she had grown older, she found herself to be a forgettable face among all of the other SeeD candidates, and often found herself lagging behind. She had never been a bad student, and to this day was very accomplished as both a student and a SeeD, it was just that she didn't get the kind of glory the rest of the students did, because no one really knew who she was, especially instructors. She wasn't jealous then, either. That was just her personality, and she was proud of the other students. They spoke up, and were the teacher's pets. So, they deserved to be recognized.

When cadets she was far senior to were promoted to higher ranks than she could ever dream of being, she wasn't jealous. If she took the kind of "initiative" these students

(_student_)

did, maybe she would have been promoted too. But she knew she was good at what she did, even though she got very little recognition for it, so she didn't let it get to her.

Kind of like the way she didn't let the sounds of Quistis and Squall fucking in the room above get to her.

But, it was her own fault. If she was more assertive, Quistis would know, while she wasn't jealous or angry, that Xu would prefer that Quistis fuck only her. Not that she was jealous or anything. It would be more of a courtesy, really. What they had wasn't really a relationship, but Xu had thought there was some sort of mutual understanding at the very least.

Even though it was a small annoyance, in the end, she was confident that it was nothing to worry about. This was just an opportunity Quistis didn't want to miss. Xu had jumped on many an opportunity in her day, forsaking many other more important things, simply because she knew the opportunity may never come again.

(of course, her opportunities never involved jumping on other _people_, but there were certainly parallels).

Besides, she couldn't even recall if she had ever told Quistis that she _couldn't_ do something like this. Who was she to boss Quistis around? She was a grown woman, and she understood the consequences of her actions, so it really wasn't Xu's place to play mommy.

There were many other people that had it worse in this situation. For example, Rinoa. She was _married_ to Squall and he couldn't even keep his pants on. At least Xu didn't have it so bad; Quistis and her weren't married or anything. This is the kind of thing that could ruin a marriage, you know. Mostly because of a jealousy and, well, Xu didn't have to worry about that.

Poor Rinoa. She really was a nice girl. Nice enough, anyway. Anyone could be nice nowadays, it didn't take much. 'Nice' was now more of a euphemism for average than a compliment. She was cordial, and polite, and in the end probably didn't deserve this.

But then again, she felt even sorrier for Squall. Yes, at the moment Squall was busy fucking Quistis, but Xu knew that he could never compare to herself. He didn't know anything about Quistis. He didn't know that Quistis liked to be dominated, that she liked it to be teased and scratched and bitten and held down and fucked until she couldn't stand it anymore. She liked it most when Xu would surprise her in her Garden apartment, slamming her against the wall and pressing her body against Quistis', pulling off her clothes with one hand

_(and sometimes her teeth)_

while holding Quistis' hands above her head with the other. She would then plunge into her, fingers exploring and pleasuring all at the same time, and things would move so quickly that Quistis barely had time to think before she came, moaning and panting into Xu's neck before collapsing into her bed from complete and utter exhaustion.

_(sometimes she wouldn't return the favor, but that was okay) _

That was how she liked it, and she was damn sure Squall wasn't doing anything like that. She knew that Quistis preferred it when Xu fucked her. She knew this because Quistis told her. Sometimes Xu wondered what Quistis said to Squall when she came to him, desperate to fill something missing in his life.

_(and maybe her own?)_

Quistis knew that Xu knew about her and Squall. Xu remembered the day that Quistis told her perfectly, because it was the same day she noticed everyone looking at her a little differently, with a sort of sympathy, and all day she kept wondering why. Quistis had come to her room late that night, face streaked with crocodile tears as she admitted her fallacies through forced sobs. Xu had been calm, which wasn't surprising since it was one of the qualities which made her such an efficient SeeD. Quistis took this calmness as sadness and she had promised to never do it again. She didn't want to hurt Xu, she was just weak. Only this once, she said, only this once.

Oh well. Maybe she just didn't want to let him down just yet. He was sensitive. They were all just pity fucks anyway.

Xu had it all reasoned out. Everything made sense, and everything was going to be okay. There was no reason to be jealous.

Just as a precaution, though, when she heard Quistis moan the same way she moaned when Xu was finished with her, she covered her ears with her pillow and turned her face towards the wall. Also, just as a precaution, she started crying now, so she wouldn't accidentally do it later.

Silence. Seconds, minutes, hours, days passed. Maybe it was only a few minutes. Maybe it _was_ a few hours. But soon enough she would hear soft knocking on her door, made by careful hands connected to careful arms connected to a careful brain holding careful lies. Xu said something; it may have been come in, but she wasn't sure. Quistis came in regardless.

Xu carefully wiped her tears away before Quistis could turn on the light. But she didn't turn on the light. Instead she walked slowly over to Xu's bed and lay down beside her, pressing her face against Xu's.

Xu thought she felt tears. Something must have happened. Or maybe she was only feeling her own. Xu thought she heard a soft voice say, "I'm sorry," but she probably didn't.

Xu turned her head and pressed her face into Quistis' hair.

It smelled like _him._

Xu felt something rise in her chest, something hot and uncomfortable and angry, but it wasn't anger. She felt as if she might vomit right then and there, onto Quistis, and not even feel bad about it, because maybe that was what Quistis deserved. Xu had always reaped half of what she had sowed, and now maybe it was Quistis' turn. But she didn't vomit, she didn't scream, she didn't do anything. She just lay there, in silence, staring at the clock's skinny black arms moving slowly around the dial.

After all, Xu was not a jealous person.

--

Just a little idea that came to mind one night. I read a couple of Xu/Quistis fics and thought it was interesting, and this just sort of came out on its own. It's short, but short is good sometimes. Do r/r, I welcome criticism as well as praise!


End file.
